NYE Recap

So the stranger I went home with for NYE is making me dinner this Friday. I'm rather pleased, considering how lousy I felt New Years Day, dehydrated and wanting to go home. I had gone to hear Markus Schulz spin at Ruby Skye - something I have never done before - gone to Ruby Skye or hear Markus Schulz spin or gone to any club alone. I ended up dancing for about 7 hours and the last several hours with this particular gentleman. And I say gentleman because he was delightfully gentlemanly. After we left the club around 3 am or so, we hunted down food and ended up at his place. I woke up the next morning... or rather the same morning and wanted a shower badly. But of course men always have crappy shampoo and I am not showering with some stranger's male shampoo. He sweetly drove me back to my car (parked at B's place). As he pulled over...

"So are we gonna exchange phone numbers or not?"

"You really want to?" Said I rather incredulously and cheekily. I was thinking of how tired, dehydrated and awful I was in bed last night, almost shamefully. I was in bad form. I was for sure he wouldn't really want to do that again.

"Oh your phone's dead."

There's always your phone, I thought. But he's probably just saying the whole numbers thing to be polite. So... to be polite back I handed him my business card and rang B's doorbell. He let me in and made me coffee, gave me a hug and a kiss and I left with my bag and keys to drive home. Much later that night I got a text thanking me for a great NYE. Hmm... and a date this Friday.

After sleeping for most of New Year's Day and missing lots of daylight, I woke up and texted the Dutch guy. Three days later, still no reply. Hmm. Sigh. This man has no game. It's slightly hilarious considering the frustration of trying to interperet his actions and inactions. I really should admonish him for his poor communication abilities. But I doubt he'd appreciate it. He's so lost in his own misery he can barely comprehend the tunnel he's in. I could tell him you don't go on a date and tell your date about your lousey exwife. That you return messages promptly as a gentleman should. That you don't turn off the lights and go to bed, forgetting about the woman sitting on your couch and previously your lap. He's so clueless it's so cute! And he's so gorgeous and entertaining I happen to not mind very much.... for now.

And then in other parts of the world, I have acquired a neophyte at the altar of amour. Helicopter boy is taking tips from me and picking up women and finally getting laid over his Christmas break. I like him cause there's not an ounce of misogyny in him (rare for the male species). I like him because he has potential and is a quick learner. And I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever because he's so young, so untried, and still sowing his oates. I told him I only like men that are broken in. So he wants me to break him in. LOL. So I gave him these tips on macking:

You do not use lame come ons, whistles, or raise your voice. You use sincerity, honesty, and pleasantries.

You always return texts, emails, phone calls, smoke signals, etc. Even if you don't like her anymore, that's no cause for inciviilty and rudness.

Have good shampoo on hand in case she spends the night. And offer her non-guy-smelling soap.

On your life, never ever get it in her hair. In the event you do, apologize profusely and offer her the good shampoo.

You know the definition of charm. And you look it up on Wikipedia to remind yourself if you do forget.

You know that being a gentleman goes beyond opening doors and holding chairs.

You understand that men are like dogs and women are like cats. Pay attention, pet her until she purrs. Or you'll find your pillows ripped to shreds.

You are civil to all women all the time. Even when you don't want to. This is what separates you from the wildebeasts.

You are a red hot Ferrari. She is a stately Rolls Royce. Take. Your. Time. In all my life I've never heard a woman complain he went too slow.

To engage her, you ask her for her opinion.

You leave the toilet seat down. This is one of the cheapest and easiest ways to show that you're thinking of her. It also sets you apart from all the other beasts out there.

You know that checking on things that go 'bump' in the night gets you more points than putting the toilet seat down. It might even get you nookie. Again.

You do not make fun of her when she goes to the powder room with the girls. This is in your benefit because some opportunistic mac daddy cannot approach her.

You are generous with compliments.

You emote!

You are presentable. Do not look like an unmade bed, even if your bed is unmade.

You know how to poke fun at yourself. And you do it often.

Your ego is not bigger than you. And you always make sure there is room in there for a lovely woman between you and your ego.

You are not a manwhore. You are a ladies man. Know the difference.

Numbers are the bastions of sluts. A gentleman does not keep count.

Keep the woman who makes your bed. At least for a while.

Man created the wheel, cars, planes, bridges, space ships, and landed on the moon. Yet at least 45% (30% US) of women have never experienced an orgasm. As a gentleman, you must remember this.

A gentleman goes up the stairs second, down the stairs first. Up second, down first. Remember.

A gentleman walks on the outside of the sidewalk.

You watch her shoes and notice where they are pointed towards. That is where her interest lies.

If her arms are crossed, she's either cold or you've put her on guard.

You never ever let a woman carry heavy things. Be it your woman, your neighbor, or a stranger passing on by. Let others be fools who stand around and stare and do nothing, but you are not a fool.

If she's on guard, solicit her opinion on something thoughtful.

A ladies man keeps around a blow dryer. You can be even slicker by giving some excuse like you use it to dry the epoxy on your surf board.

Never ever approach a woman from the back. It puts her on guard.

Pheromones are your very best friends. The more skin contact you have, the more pheromones are produced.

Sure a man can get a woman... after she okays it. But can he keep her? Women pick the man (75%), the man then picks her up (75%). Relationship ensues. She ends the relationship (75%). A gentleman knows the failure rate of keeping a woman happy is very high. Sometimes, it's not worth it.

You do not steal the covers, lest you end up sleeping alone.

You thank her for her company and for her time. Especially if you never want to see her again. The last parting should be as pleasant as possible.

If she gives you the congé, take it as quickly as possible and go. Partings may be such sweet sorrow, but think not of the luscious arms you are leaving forever but the ravenous darlings you could possibly be running to later on in life.

But of course, you are a gentleman. You already know all of this :)