Letter from an old bf & reply

This may seem bizarre to some, but all my exes love me. Some so much, they still want me after 4 years! Jason was an awesome bf in so many ways and so young and naive, even down right strange in so many other ways. Our relationship lasted a year and some months. We even spent time in Dubai together. And the reason he was in Dubai? I was going there and made fun of him for never having had a passport. So he went and got a job over there. Poor thing couldn't handle it though. He'd never been so far away from home. He quit the job after 6 months and went home. Then he somehow landed himself in San Francisco at a prestigious architecture firm. Our relationship had dissolved somewhere between quitting his Dubai job and him landing the SF firm. Way back in 2006. He flew to Chicago in 2008 trying to rekindle something. I tried to foist him on my roommate (my bad!).

Throughout the years he had been emailing me once a quarter or so. Most of the time I ignored it. Here's an email from this morning:

Dear X,

I hope that this letter finds you well.

Our last correspondence left me hoping that the urge to write you would not come again.

Ultimately confounded, my only hope, having granted requests of your in the past, is that you will consider these words and grant me this one.

Whether or not I ever did the right thing by you, X, I always felt that you were my responsibility; the way in which I handled this responsibility - especially our last encounter - has been with me every minute since. My failure in this one matter has been impossible to escape. Since failing you so completely, time has had no meaning, and purpose has been impossible to construct. Just so you know, I am a shell of what I used to be.

My one wish should you decide to grant it would be this: to see you face to face and to leave on good terms.

Trust in my ability to distinguish between what I feel and what is right.

Forever in your debt,

Jason.

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So... my reply:

Jason, Jason, Jason. I love you, you know. You always had the ability to put a smile on my face. But in so many ways I've always felt older than you, wiser than you, and a lot more broken.

If you want to meet, I'm down for that. I've always wanted to be friends with you, but often times I knew we couldn't because of our past, all those crazy emotions and whatnot. I've forgiven you, you know. I had hoped that you would have forgiven yourself by now. Just let go babe. Don't torture yourself so much. Be free. You can't grow unless you allow yourself to.

Now that I'm back in the City once more, I've wondered how you fared. That was why I corresponded with you last time. I wanted to know that you were faring well. That's all.

X

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Poor thing. This is why I don't date guys anywhere near my age. He was 6ft tall, beautiful blue eyes, drop dead gorgeous six pack, highly educated, very smart. But he lacked life's experiences. He lacked growth. He had been sheltered his entire life by his parent's love, prosperity, good luck and some hard work. He had no idea how to survive outside of his bubble, his comfort zone. So our relationship was doomed from the get-go. He couldn't relate to me, a messed up orphan struggling through life. The only thing he's ever struggled with in his life was... me. And I knew that if I stayed with him I was going to mess him up even more. He couldn't take life on the wild side, handle my tempestuousness, or understand me at all. I was a little habanero to a guy who's never had spices before. And it wasn't that I didn't love him. I did. I still do a little, in a caring I hope you are happy sort of way. If I could hook him up with Ms. Right I would! He is a great person, a wonderful person, bound only by his limits upon himself. He tried to care for me and to love me, he just couldn't cause he couldn't 'get' me. But he's still the sweetest boy and I'd really do almost anything for him. I shan't tell him that though. Besides, he really needs to get over me.