I caved

in and texted him.

Me: So are we going to meet up this week?

C: Are u free this evening?

Me: yes

Me: ?

C: ? Sorry. Here's the deal. I may need to pick up my car at the dealer after work if it's ready. If I don't, how do u feel about Indian food for dinner?

Me: you know me... I'm easy :)

C: I have no idea what you're talking about.:P

Me: Hehe.

Me: Ill have my car. Im in lower pac heights where you picked me up last

C: Kay. I'll let u know in a few hours what the situation is.

Me: FYI, I think Imma take off somewhat early & find 3rd space to hide. Client is having shit-storm & cranky as all hell :\ call me when you're ready

C: Still haven't heard from the dealer. I was going to take the express bus to fillmore and cal. What neighborhood will u be hiding in?

Me: probably same, give/take a few blocks. Don't wanna drive at all.

Craig Fatland: Kay. I plan on leaving the office at 5 and will be in the 'hood around 5:30. Will text u when I get on the bus.

Me: cool

So... we went for a drink nearby and then picked up Indian food and went over to his house. I ate mostly lying down on his couch, watching Southpark. There was some canoodling on his couch, which was finished in the bed nearby. We then snuggled and watched the Daily Show. It was finished by the Colbert Report and he finished the snuggling by announcing he was going to take a shower and get ready for bed. I figured that was my cue to go. So I got up, put my clothes on and he walked me to my car, gave me a perfunctory little peck and I drove off.

Now that I'm here writing about this, I feel a little bit sad. I can't reach him emotionally. I can't connect. He's got this bubble around him I can't pop. I guess that's that. I'm sad because this could've gone somewhere and I don't think it will. I'm sad because he's such a great guy on the surface. I'm sad because while I had a nice time with him tonight, I felt lonely. The same kind of loneliness that existed when I dated my first love for 3 years. I'm sad because I have this wonderful person next to me and I'm utterly lonely. I'm sad because I'm giving up now. Tonight, while I shouldn't have caved in, I'm glad I did. Tonight is closure I think.