Leaf me Alone

Dear So-and-So,

I find your attentions somewhat insulting. But I have no idea how to tell it to you politely. I'm not much on tact, so I know I'll louse it. But I don't want to offend. You are my somewhat of a friend. Meaning we haven't been friends lately due to whatever reason - you got a gf, a wife, a job, relocated, etc. We shared some warm, friendly moments once upon a time though. You helped me out in the past. It's not that I don't like you as a person - I think you're wonderful. But your attentions are of a sexually gratuitous nature and it... creeps. Me. Out.

If you know me at all, you then should damn well know I'm not a night owl. I'm not even a morning person. Depending on the day/month/year I usually am sleep deprived. So texting/calling/IM'ing/ringing my door bell/sending smoke signals/etc late at night or early in the morning to say "whatsup" is not appropriate. Even if I happen to be up at the crack of dawn for some ungodly reason, or up till 2am because Satan is keeping me up, do not message me! **It's okay if you need me to bail you out of jail, or some such emergencies however**

Please, please, please do not call me cutie, hottie, beautiful, etc. Like "hey, what's happening beautiful." It makes me feel like Ted Bundy is trying to lure me into his car to crack my frontal lobe open with a lead pipe. And please don't compliment me on my looks. It's lame. Beautiful women hear it all the time and unless it's the first time I ever hear such a compliment, a complete bore. Why don't you compliment me on my shoes? Or my watch? I dig compliments on my watches. Hearing "ur hot" from someone that is suppose to be my friend makes me not want to be your friend. Because I don't have friends that juvenile. I can understand it if a 6 year old kid came up to me and says "you're hot." But last I checked, I don't have any 6 year old friends.

It's very obvious you're interested in hooking up. It's also obvious I'm not interested. I don't do hookups. I used to. But I'm over that phase now. It's like binge drinking in college and learning what alcohol poisoning feels like the next day. Hooking up is a lot like that. No hookup is worth its aftermath. And uncomplicated, therapeutic celibacy is good for one's soul.

If you are interested in me as a friend, then please stop being lecherous & creepy. If you are interested in me more than a friend, how about you stop creeping me the fuck out? How bout you take the time to get to know me? Take the time to get to know my friends. Get to know my hobbies. Get to know how I live my life. Basically your only chance in ever being more than an acquaintance, is to become my friend and know me as a unique individual (while keeping your sexual rapaciousness in check).

Otherwise, please leave me alone. My world would benefit from one less lecher.