Criticism

This year is the year I focus on fixing myself. I will work on my psyche, my body, my heart, and mending my soul. Not that I don't work on it all the time, little by little, because I do. But this year is where I pour my resources into it and make a humongous effort at becoming a better, whole, sound, and wise person.

There's a long list of things I'd like to work on internally. However, I am very glad the one thing I don't have to work on is how to take criticism better. I take it very well. In my mind, if I'm not making mistakes then I'm not doing enough, I'm not putting myself out there enough, I'm not trying. I like to think I take criticism objectively. I am not a bad person though I have done bad things. I am not a perfect person because I know there's lots about me I don't like and even more that others don't like. If I fucked up somehow, someway, I apologize and remedy the situation/problem. How do I avoid making the same mistake twice? Criticism, to me, is a blue flag - the flag that reminds me you did something less than right. If I don't get criticism, how do I know I'm not doing it right?

Sure, there is bad criticism - the kind that came from Johnny, the kind that I let into my psyche, that tells me I'm not good enough, pretty enough, I'm a failure. Or I can look behind the criticism at the root of the issue. Did I fuck up? Did I offend someone? Did I stick my foot in my mouth? Was I sloppy and didn't do my job right? That's when I realized the difference between criticism and put downs.

No one is more critical of me than myself. But I do not put myself down. There is no question of my worthiness,