Analysis I

Things are progressing in a rather interesting fashion. I've been racking up the good girlfriend credits - writing a paper for a final, rescuing the truck from a flat tire so he could study for an exam and then rescuing the same truck from another flat tire during a snow storm. I gave really good presents and cooked amazing dishes. Then?

I went away. It's the holidays and the family quality times kick in. I left for five days to go home. Or the closest thing I have to a home. By the third day he was pissed off I wasn't around. He really was in the mood to see me. He questioned what I was doing, who I was with... in an overall bad mood. By the fourth day he finally capitulated with a text: "I guess I do miss you. I kinda wish you were here already."

Other things of note: we used to talk on the phone once or twice a week. I'd call, he'd return the call two to three days later. He'd come over once a week. Then twice a week. We'd text here and there. During the holidays he'd call once or twice a day, especially when I was away. He'd text here and there on a daily basis.

Also of note: When I was quite independent, things were a bit detached. I quite liked it. But then it got a bit boring. So I switched tactics. I decided to be a little clingy and a little needy. No, I wasn't completely out of my mind. I just wanted to test the waters. I'd ask him to spend the night, even when I knew he'd say no. I'd cajole and persuade for more snuggle time, regardless if such time was feasible. Interestingly, he didn't seem to mind. Instead he responded as if I just stroked his ego. Bingo. He never capitulates to such requests, but just gets warmer, sweeter and more sincere.

This may sound all rather weird, but I can't help but analyze this relationship and situation. It's highly unusual. I've never dated anyone so like myself before. It's thoroughly challenging. I'm constantly on my toes, adapting to his moods, at times irrational, at times heroic, other times quite sweet. He's a Vesuvius waiting to go off at any moment. Anticipating it, preparing for it, dealing with it and mitigating it... all very challenging.

Another note: Local Chicago men are bears. Or wolves. They're gruff, ridiculously sarcastic, profane and volatile. But inside, I'm noticing marshmallows abound. And in the case of John, there appears to me to be an insecurity. He won't come to me to hug me, I have to come to him for hugs and kisses. But he welcomes it with open arms. He won't rush and enthuse to things of an emotional nature, yet secretly revels in it. The potential of a natural born killer is infinitely dangerous, and this one lives behind walls thicker than the Kremlin. Within these walls however lives a borderline sociopath thirsting for love; a kid outside a candy store and no money and hungrily looking in.